There are now enough Poles serving coffee in the land for the pronunciation of sugar to be changed wholesale to shoe-gah. Or perhaps we should simply accept that coffee is meant to taste of shoes. Or it should be drunk from shoes. Made from Italian leather.
I’ve never been clear about this – do the cows have to be Italian or is the skin cured in Italy or is it simply enough for the leather to have passed through Italy on its journey to becoming a shoe. Gah! Confusing. And if it’s an Italian cow, does that mean that they moo in Italian?
Speaking of which. There is no sound more annoying than an Italian man speaking Italian. In a falsetto. Although on thinking about it, any number of Italian men where that number is greater than one and the number of men speaking in a falsetto are greater than one would be even more annoying. Annoying +1 if you will.
Of course, I am now waiting for the BBC to confirm these, and other theories (there is no department for Wampum Physics, no matter how many times I say ‘heap big research institute need to be powered by buffalo mozzarella”). I have arranged it with them (via my tinfoil hat) that they will introduce a slav character into The Archers that stands around all day asking people if they want shoe-gah and maybe cinammonnutmegchoklitontop? I understand the Beeb pay by the word, so I think they should de-syllable that one.
Perhaps the character could save up to buy a cow. An Italian cow with a special bell. Like the Lindt cow. But with a falsetto moo.
Hmm. It may be time for lunch. Burger with italian sauce, methinks.