Narrative voice – help please….

The most common complaint I am hearing from those that I have shown the blessed (bless-ed?  CURSED) debut novel (fragments, don’t get excited Laurence), is that I am making it a bit harder to read than it should be – in a technical sense.

My problem is this (Tom is the main character):

  • I (narrator) want to talk about Tom in the third person, for when I can’t do show not tell.  Also, I need a third person narrator to help shift some of the scenery and characters around.  Tom will however be in most if not all scenes.  In my head, the narrator is simply a camera that can see into Tom’s head, and presents the world as Tom sees it, while occasionally panning out of his head to give context.
  • Tom often thinks of himself in the third person.
  • Tom has an internal monologue kind of chuntering away the whole time.
  • Tom also has clearly defined ‘thoughts’ that are ‘heard’ above the monologue – or at least should be distinguished.

So – with all that in mind, I’m writing a lot of this:

A. Tom considered the valise.  He wondered where it should rest.  ‘No rest for the wicked.’  He wasn’t wicked though.  Tom’s valise rested.

Hang on.  That’s too contrived.  This (from memory) is nearer a ‘live’ example.

B.  Tom’s Universe winked at him in the darkness.  He tried to gather his thoughts.  He failed.  They were too sticky.  ‘Like… like…like meringue.’watch T2 Trainspotting 2017 film now

The problem is slipping in and out of his head.  But each time I ray ban sunglasses try to clarify what is internal-general, what is internal-specific and what is simply borderline autism, 08:56:32 it tends to make it a mess for the reader.   Do I need the quotes around meringue?  (Now there’s a sentence Fake Oakleys one doesn’t get to write every day).  There are also logical / world inconsistencies that the reader simply has to accept – ie the Universe, while the reader knows what it really physically is, has ‘living’ properties for Tom.   What I’m trying to avoid is this:

C. Tom imagined that the shapes moved in the darkness.  He was confused and couldn’t make sense of things.  He visualised his thoughts as similar in consistency to a meringue.

Do you oakley sunglasses think it’s wholesale nfl jerseys ok to simply have this instead:

D.  Tom’s Universe winked at him in the darkness.  He tried to gather his thoughts.  Failed.  They were too sticky.  Like… like…like meringue.

Sigh.  Not a biggie really.  But I’m a little worried that it will not really turn out as I intended.  I’ve just read ‘The Gargoyle’ and the author uses a typographic device to achieve the same thing – his inner demon / snake is represente in text as block-cut texts.  It’s just that it feels like the story will lose some of the identity-based issues if I present Tom in any other way.

But then again, if no-one reads it because they keep having to double-check which ‘voice’ is speaking, then it’s all moot, n’est-ce pas?

MOOT MOOT!  Bon mots for boon moots.  Moon boots for mon bots.  If a bot were a foot that would have been perfect.  Foot moot boot.

But I digress.  I’m meant to be researching something for chapter 5.  Hush Cheap Football Jerseys now.

Now, I raised the names of Robert Griffin III and Colin Kaepernick because they are two of the most prominent products of this new wave. There is no doubt of their athletic talent. Called “Blue Tail Fly” when it was first written in the 1840s, the original lyrics weren’t “Jimmy crack corn,” but rather “Jim crack corn” (that’s not just us standing on formality; we’ll use that info in a second). If you actually read through the full song lyrics, it tells Page the story of an unhappy slave whose job is to follow around his horseback riding master and shoo away the flies. Unless nfl jerseys cheap Bill Belichick, the chess master, decides to do exactly that. He makes games like this so hard to pick.”. I know that many of our fans were upset that Brett played for the Vikings. As time goes by, though, I think wounds are healed and people focus more on ray bans sale the great things he did for the team during his 16 years here. When it comes to American Football helmets, there is hockey jerseys cheap nfl jerseys some argument among historians as to “who” invented the first football protective gear. There is cheap nfl jerseys a reference to a Navy Midshipman named Joseph Mason Reeves, later Admiral Reeves, going to an Annapolis shoemaker to craft head protection so he could continue playing without the fear of death or as his doctor of the time stated, “instant insanity.”. “The Lambeau Field experience” is common knowledge to the citizens of the football delirious city of Green Bay, Wisconsin. Lambeau Field is one of those magical stadiums where the game experience evokes a rich past. We found a significant correlation between alterations at NFL Jerseys Cheap chromosome 8p23.3 and the tumor grade. The correlation between fake oakleys oakley sunglasses outlet genetic fake oakleys changes and tumor stage reflected the distribution of tumors of different grades in each pathologic stage.Top of pageIntroductionPrevious DNA studies detected allelic changes at several chromosomal regions in transitional cell carcinomas (TCC) of the urinary bladder (Knowles, 1999). Then just say your prayers and meditate. In order to protect his family, a Mr. But he’s also seen firsthand in the NFC West what can happen when you pair a stud runner with a young quarterback and strong defense, and Gurley has drawn many comparisons cheap jerseys from china to Marshawn Lynch.7. Chicago Bears Clemson OLB Vic Beasley: A receiver like Kevin White to replace Brandon Marshall could certainly be a consideration. TEGAN WENDLAND, BYLINE: This all started last Thursday. Joe McKnight, a former player on the New cheap ray bans York Jets and Kansas City Chiefs, was wholesale nfl jerseys driving across a bridge in New Orleans when another driver got mad at him for cutting him off. Balloons, crepe paper and theme specific cut outs are all inexpensiveand go a long way when it comes to turning a room into a festive birthday party scene. I purchased mylar football balloons on line and had them inflated at my local party store the day of the party.

9 thoughts on “Narrative voice – help please….”

  1. I understand the problem, I think. Except that I can’t see a problem. I just re-read chapters one and two as you provided them to me and I didn’t get bogged down in who was saying or thinking what nor was I baffled as to whether the narrative descriptions were from Tom’s POV or the universal narrator’s.

    I don’t like quotes around thoughts. That always strikes me as rather childish. Perhaps that’s unfair, but there you go. Typographic tomfoolery is best left to those who are excellently good at it. e e cummings, for example.

    Take this (D) for example:

    Tom’s Universe winked at him in the darkness. He tried to gather his thoughts. Failed. They were too sticky. Like… like…like meringue.

    It doesn’t need anything. No quotes, no italics. Sentences one and two are clearly universal narrative. Sentence three could be either but it’s obviously about Tom. Same for sentence four. The ellipses in sentence five make it 100% Tom’s personal internal narrative.

    Questions: would you share the internal narrative of other characters besides Tom? If you did, it could get very confusing. There’s nothing wrong with having scenes with no Tom in, but you just need to be consistent and avoid internal narrative.

    Or if you must, use some qualification. Like ‘she thought’.

    Niamh put the menu back into the plastic pizza-shaped menu holder and smelled her fingertips. Anchovies, she thought. That reminds me of…no, let’s not go there.

    Do you want me to link to this here blog post on my blog in case one or two other writerly types might care to share their learned opinion?

  2. Hello Larence’s friend Ivan.
    I started trying to say something useful. Then I realised you’re far better off waiting for another novelist to come and have a look. Me giving my opinion is basically akin to a passer-by sticking their head through your open window and shouting nonsense at you.
    Still, for what it’s worth, I think D is fine as it is.
    I don’t know whether I’d have understood that the ellipses make it clear this is Tom’s internal narrative without reading it in context with the rest of the novel. But I liked it anyway. And if the universal narrator spoke that way, ellipses and all, I’d still like it.
    If it had quotes around it I’d assume someone was speaking out loud.
    But as I say, that’s a reader’s opinion based on one sentence.
    Don’t worry though. I’m sure a novelist will come along soon and say something much more helpful.

  3. You jest, but the other day I discovered that on my birth certificate my name is actually spelled Michele.

    I’ve been spelling my OWN NAME wrong my entire life.

    My mom says that I’m right and it’s my birth certifcate that’s wrong because apparently my dad was in charge of filling out the forms and “he can’t do anything right”.

    Still. That’s a whole other story.

  4. Oh! Oh! Oh! Me, I know it. Pick me! Pick me!

    Read Stephen Donaldson’s Thomas Covenant stuff, he does this *all* the time, slipping in and out of the protagonist’s head, you’d think he’d slip over! Messy! Ugh!

    Never causes a problem. Unless you don’t happen to like his writing, but I do so that’s just totally okay.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *