There were umpteen things wrong with Lady Bonjela today:
- Item: Lady in purple. Now. Let’s see. I’m going to go to all the effort of wearing a purple dress, accessorise with purple glasses, a rather funky purple bag and YES! PRAISE JAYSUS! I will die my hair a delicate shade of purple. But. I will wear black shoes. Why? Surely the easiest thing to have in purple is shoes. Why even I, Lord of Unfashion, have a pair of purple shoes. Ok. DMs. Ok, I don’t anymore because they squeaked or something that I can’t remember now. I used to dislike the soles. The oil and water resistant soles. Ugly. But I digress.
- Item: No fliers please. Which was so nearly, nearly ‘No pliers, fleas’. Which is a really easy to follow instruction for pet owners with a particularly poor understanding of veterinary science.
- Item: that lastminute ad on the tube and bus shelters that talks about making new friends in the sea. And then eating them. What is WRONG with you people? And as if the text wasn’t bad enough, they’ve kebabbed some sea-horses. Now I may be an evil omnivore, but I am fairly clear that I have never, ever, eaten sea-horsey. And the seahorses are all looking at different things. Evil. Evil.
- Item: David Lynch should be back on the television.
- Item: There is no ‘i’ in team. But there is one in mayonnaise. Let that be a lesson to you. And before you get all smarty, there is no ‘u’ in mayonnaise. But there is one in ‘but’.
It’s quite hard work writing all this random rhubarb. I might return to shallow vapidity tomorrow. As ever, if you’re passing through, feel free to suggest some nonsense for me to riff off….